Hi, I’m Priya.I’m a 13 year old.My parents get often physical with me.they’re very abusive.they admitted to not liking me. I just want to end all of this.I’m mentally so done.i want to get adopted and start a new life.i don’t know how it’s done.

April 30, 2006 I updated my information on a registry site and a search angel was able to get in contact with my birthgrandparents. They want contact with me and we spoke on the phone for over an hour the other day. They told me that my b-mom was upset when they told her I was looking for her. She has not told her daughter about me, but thats OK. I am extremly happy with what I have now and I would not change anything.

This journal is supposed to be about foster/adopt however we have been in the process of a step-parent adoption that took FOREVER. Just got the call and it will be finalized March 19th!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom just happens to be here during that time, I tell you things like this don't happen by chance. This was a totally spur of the moment trip for my mom-and she will be here for a much anticipated adoption. Eli is adjusting quickly to our home. I love this little guy. We spend all day playing, snuggling and being together. I taught him how to play catch with his bitty ball-now he throws EVERYTHING and thinks its so darn funny. Those dimples, they kill me every time. Attachment parenting is going well, he enjoys his Mei Tai time. For the past two days poor little guy has been having a mild temp and just not feeling well, today he was down right sick, took him to the Dr. and he has a "virus" so nothing we can do. It's just sad. Your forgot what it was like when your baby is sick, such a helpless feeling. So for the past 2 days he hasn't wanted his bottle much. When he takes his bottle he maintains beautiful eye contact and after bottle he plays with my face, we sing, play games making silly noises all with eye contact in cradle position for a good 30-60 min-whenever he gets tired and wants to get down we then move on to play or he falls asleep in my arms (and this is heaven for me to just love and snuggle). My house is not getting much attention. I think the bottle/cradle hold time is the best bonding tool we have right now. Over the weekend instead of trying to go to EVERYONE-cause he's that kind of baby who will "mommy shop." He would reach for a person out of habit and then he would put his head on my shoulder like he knew he was with me. So huge!!! Well since not having our eye contact and play time-cause he's sick and won't take bottle well I noticed the bond is not as deep. He tried to go to a nurse (total stranger) and a friend (total stranger.) I know most people would think I'm being paranoid but this is a lot of going with your gut. He has attachment issues. BUT I know we can heal his heart. So today I spent a lot of time snuggling and holding him while he slept-my poor sick baby. It paid off and I feel that bond starting to tighten again. Its solidified that our attachment is my #1 priority right now. I'm just thrilled to see that this attachment stuff is working and not only does it help Eli it helps me as well to love and bond with him. I get my "baby fix" by feeding him a bottle and rocking/singing to him. The love I feel for this kiddo is amazing-this is my little boy. His mom hasn't made any contact-I know this is not something you should hope for. I did get sad thinking of her missing him on his first birthday. I also thought of her when I went through his things and found a bag that foster mom told me was from her. I found his hospital ID tag, I found little clothes with tags on them. I found a beautiful quilted blanket. She loves her baby. Sometimes love is letting go and in my heart I think this is what she is doing. Given what I know about her situation and addiction issues she may have given him the greatest gift she can give him. I have a secret wish in my heart that she will contact and that we can build a relationship that will allow her to consent to the adoption. The SW feels she would very much consider consent and plans on asking for it should she contact them. Wish I had more time to write.

How do I define adoption reunion? When I was little I believed that if I reunited with my mother she would have to replace my mom. This is the first time Ive actually acknowledged this feeling, even to myself, but it was there just way down deep inside and sitting quietly, waiting. So I waited until I turned eighteen and flew off to college. While at college I thought that I was mature enough to begin my search. I wanted to know who she was and where she came from. What was her story? What were the circumstances surrounding her relinquishment of me? Who was my father? Did I look like them? Could this be because I was majoring in journalism at the time and investigative reporting intrigued me? Or could it have been the womanҒs studies class which made me proud to be a strong, independent woman who had the right to know her heritage? I dont know, but one day in speech class, no less, I decided I would give a speech on what it was like to be adopted. I went home and told my mom that I was giving a speech on adoption and did she have any information she could give me that would help in my research. She pulled out some of the papers she had kept and shared them with me. Mostly it was non identifying information about my birth parents along with the doctorҒs name, the social workers name, and a booklet on adoption with a poem on the back. That was it? There had to be more, after all this was a legal matter. Typically in legal matters theres a ton of paperwork. I had my work cut out for me. Writing the speech was difficult due to the lack of information so I read books, lots and lots of books. I found the more I read the more I wanted to keep reading. I wanted to know everything I could in regards to adoption, search, and reunion. Some of the titles I read were Birthright, Primal Wound, and Letters to My Birthmother, to name a few. While reading I would feel angry, sad, hopeful, hopeless, ҅It was a roller coaster of a ride. Did I want to open this can of wormsӔ as I called it only to run the gamut of emotions? I decided that if I found her I would go and spyӔ on her and the rest of her family to see what they were like, but I didnt need to know them. That would be my ғreunion. After all I had a family and I didnԒt want to betray them. Betrayal. Loyalty. Two words that haunted me throughout my life. In a nutshell I felt that by finding my birthmother I would betray my family. They had done so much for me. I wouldnt be the woman I am today if it werenҒt for them. How could I be loyal to them if I started searching for my birthmother? Wouldnt they think I was trying to replace them? WouldnҒt they feel unworthy? Why would she do this to us? My familys feelings were right up front. And in all the books I was reading it should have been my feelings, mine, that came first. Selfish? At the time I thought so. The speech written, I stood before my classmates and spoke about the adoption process from an adopteeҒs perspective, giving them vital information on the actual process and what my adoptive family went through, what I went through, and what I thought my birthmother went through. There wasnt a dry eye in the place. I left them with a final thought: ғNature versus nurture, Which am I the product of, The one who gave me life, Or the one who gives me love. These were the last lines of the poem that was written on the back of the booklet that my mom received from the social worker. At the time I thought it was beautiful. Reading those words now gives me a stomach ache. IԒm the product of both. Its that simple. I have two mothers, both of them equal in my eyes; not one ғversus the other. A mother gave me life and she loved me enough to do what she thought was best for both herself and me considering her circumstances. A mother gave me life by showing me a world filled with opportunities and she loved me enough to give me wings that I could fly, going off on my own to become a strong, independent woman. ThereԒs no competition; its not a football game. In getting back to my original question, how do I define adoption reunion? Adoption reunion is bringing together all the pieces of the puzzle so that we may celebrate our lives. Mood: Thoughtful

And it ain't getting any easier. I love showing her pictures to my friends, they hate it. It makes everyone cry to mention her, so I don't. And I still sleep with her blanket (can't sleep without) Miss her voice the most today. Wish I could of give her a bath just once! Mad at myself for not being firmer on my time with her before the adoption. I wanted more time with her, they regulated the amount each day. Afterward I learn she was still my baby then, I had the right. Oh well, I think I'm in the grief/angry stage of the process. I keep self evaluating myself in hopes I make progress I can see. I can celebrate her 7 month birthday in 2 days, by myself again. I won't bake a cake this time (that was just because the 6 month is special) but I do get so excited and proud of her that day(especially that day, I mean) The night of her b-day is the pits though. I just feel like Im missing out on so much! I am, but it's not about me anymore. It never could be about me again. I tried that one day and it' didn't feel right. I guess that's what being a mom is about. Dang, I love that girl!

I have been wondering why I should adopt instead of having my own child. What are some reasons to adopt?

my husband and i are beginning to look into international adoption. we legally married last year, however, have been in domestic partnership since beginning of 2009. We started our research, but the amount of information is overwhelming. Does anyone have any suggestions what countries we should be looking at or retrogradations for international adoption agencies - I am 31 years old and my husband is 40. Looking forward to any information anyone is willing to share.

In truth, they really don't understand what it feels like to be adopted. They don't understand the questions in your head that you wonder about almost every day and can never answer. Or the fact that your adoption lurks in the background. It is somewhat like a shadow that never speaks. There are also feelings of being an "outsider" everyday. Another lack of understanding among people "who don't get it" is why we as adoptees can't move on and forget about the adoption. I wish we could. No one has been able to provide any direction to do that.

I was born in the early 1960's and put up for adoption. It was supposed to be a secret but others notice things about me that were different. Although I was loved, I looked nothing like the family I grew up in and one time someone commented on it.. Any comment that I was different than the rest of the family or different would make the mother that raised me very angry. She would tell me, "Ignore the comment. They don't know anything." I remember overhearing my mother who was very angry about a comment that someone made saying that my brother and I weren't really brother and sister and that I was from a different family. I was all she could do not to tell that person off but she couldn't because the person who made this comment was someone that I didn't know. This was an off handed comment that was made at a social gathering. I always felt that something about me was different but I didn't know what it was. I was never made to feel different from my family, so I thought I was imaging it. I was labeled the girl or woman that was different, odd or distant and was a victim of bullying which was intense at time during 5th-8th grade. I've never had a lot of friends and the friends that I had I rarely got close to as I've been hurt by some many people outside my family (people who were my friends in school would then turn on me), that by the time I got to middle-school, I didn't care anymore. I totally disconnected at this point to people outside my family, as this was my way of protecting myself from being hurt. I put a wall up which was very difficult to break. Perhaps it was because I was too clingy. I don't know. This was something my mom had difficulty understanding as it was believed that someone who was distant, who didn't show any affection towards others came from a dysfunctional family. Sometimes my mom didn't understand me and couldn't understand at times why I felt or thought a certain way. My relationship with men were distant and didn't last beyond six months. In my lifetime, I was unofficially engaged for a couple of weeks to someone I didn't love.. I was not surprised when the relationship didn't work out. I had been abandoned so many times that this was nothing new. It was my MO and the story of my life when it came to men. Eventually I gave up on dating. I never married nor did I have children. Sometimes I have regrets about this but most of the time I don't. One thing which is difficult for people around me to understand is that I have extreme sensitivity to things people do or say to me or others. Teachers in report cards always made the point that I was extremely sensitive to things that I cried when there was no reason to. They couldn't say much when in 4th grade my mother told the teachers that they would be very upset if someone put glue on their chair and they sat in it and it ruined their outfit and the kids laughed about it. I was so upset I started sobbing. At least two of these teachers I know would have used the paddle on any kid who did something like that to them. They would have been furious.. Back then, paddling was used as punishment. I was never paddled. When I was a child, a unkind remark or someone scolding me would bring me to tears and crying. I can pick up when there is tension in a room. I have difficulty being in the same room with someone I know that doesn't like me (I have to tune it out which I can do most of the time). I can't stand being in a room with an individual who has anger issues and I've been able to pick them out when others have either ignored it or questioned my judgement. A couple of times I've had to leave a room or leave the store I was in because the anger I was sensing was so intense that it was scary. My mother always thought that this sensitivity came from the fact that my birth mother most likely was upset while pregnant with me. She wasn't a victim of violence when she was pregnant with me and the family that I was raised in there was no violence which made me wonder how I picked up on people who had a anger issues (perhaps the bullying had something to do with it). When my birth mother contacted me, I later found out that it was very likely that she was a victim of domestic violence or was threatened with violence (not by my biological father). She didn't tell me the detail, but she was in a bad relationship at once point in her life. I started shaking after the phone call ended and they I started to cry picturing her being hurt and then picturing this man coming after me as a child which I have no doubt that this most likely would have happened if I was with her. My crying turned into sobbing uncontrollably which I did for almost an hour I had a very difficult time functioning at work and I was on the verge of tears. This went on for about 2 days. Even typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. I had to talk to the counselor about this. The mother that raised me told me that she should have never told me this. Sometimes I've wonder if my sensitivity to people who were angry was related to perhaps picking up what was happening to her, even though I knew nothing about it at the time. .

Stepparent adoption is a common form of adoption, where an adopting stepparent is willing to assume financial and legal responsibility of his/her spouse’s children, and release the noncustodial parent of parental responsibilities. The process has permanent legal consequences, and will be a huge psychological change for the child, the biological parent, and the adopting family. As the stepparent adoption procedure takes place among people who know each other, the court may forego the requirement of home visits and adoption hearings. This helps quicken the process, and makes it easier for the stepparent to receive consent from the noncustodial parent. Here are a few considerations to keep in mind before opting for stepparent adoption. [url=https://adoption.com/blogs/5270/adopting-a-child-5-mistakes-you-must-strictly-avoid/]Adoption[/url] will bring a major change in the lives of the child and the birth parent. After the formal process is over, a legal relationship begins to exist between the child and guardian. Now, the adoptee will be entitled as a legal heir of the adopter, among other permanent changes. It is, therefore, important to consult an adoption attorney and understand the legalities involved. While some federal laws do apply to adoption, states make their own adoption laws based on their statutes. An attorney can inform you about the state adoption laws and legal precedents that can help you with adoption. If your current spouse will be the stepparent, then the biological parent needs to be aware that the adoption will make your spouse the child's legal parent, and also responsible for all legal rights and responsibilities of parenthood. Additionally, the child will no longer hold claim to inheritance from the previous family. As part of the adoption procedure, you need to present certified copies of the child's birth certificate, documents of your marriage to the current spouse, and the birth parents’ divorce documents. If the biological parent is deceased, then a certified copy of the death certificate will be required, otherwise his/her service address needs to be presented. These documents will be handled by your attorney at the preliminary adoption hearing. Post-adoption, the adopting parent may hold a claim in the child’s property. Remember to document the details in the adoption petition, and present them during the hearing. The certificates can be related to Social Security payments, land or tangible property, and trust funds inherited by the child. During the preliminary court hearing, you will have to file a form that reflects the noncustodial parent’s consent for the adoption. If the parent has approved, then the hearing is not likely to face major difficulties. The consent form relieves the noncustodial parent from all further child support obligations. A situation may arise where the birth parent might not be willing to cooperate with the procedure. Parent’s consent is of utmost importance, and the lack of it can obstruct the procedure. If you are unable to locate the parent, then the court might permit you to publish a legal notice in a newspaper. If the other parent still does not respond, then the consent is nullified for the adoption. [url=http://www.dlgteam.com/]A child custody lawyer can help you[/url] devise a strategy to avoid a trial. The process of adoption is initiated with a Petition for Adoption filed by you and presented to the court. You need to state the elementary information regarding your identity and the reason for adoption, along with details of the child to be adopted. Certain counties and states may ask for a Supplemental Petition with additional details – such as employment, previous marriage(s), military service, and other children’s details. Based on the details shared with the court, the judge will announce a hearing date for the petition – you will need to attend. At the hearing, the judge will hear the case to question the parties involved. Make sure that you meet with your attorney to finalize the strategy for the hearing, and advise about how adoption hearings are conducted in courts. The hearing will conclude with the judge stating a date for the finalization of the adoption. At this stage, a social worker from the [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Protective_Services]Child Protective Service[/url] (CPS) will visit your home to conduct a home study to understand more about your family. The meeting is primarily conducted to help you prepare for adoption, evaluate the current capability, and the home environment of the prospective family. It is, therefore, important to understand the requirements of the evaluation process. There are multiple agencies that offer initial informational sessions or orientations to help you through the adoption process. During the meeting, the social worker can interview you several times to form a relationship with you and understand your family better. This will help him/her to assist you with the adoption. This is the final leg of the adoption procedure, where the judge will make his/her ruling on the adoption petition. If the judge is satisfied with the documents and the intent of adopting the child, then the ruling may be in your favor. The finalization hearing is attended by the adopting parents, the child, the adoption attorney, and the CPS social worker. The judge awards an adoption certificate issued by the court, which states that the adoptee is the legal child of the adopting parent. Once the adoption is finalized, you can apply for the amended birth certificate of the child to be issued. Stepparent adoption laws are formed with the view to provide the best home environment for adopted children. Although the parties involved are related, the procedure may get complicated at later stages. Hence, it is important to opt for legal aid and avoid potential challenges in court. This way, the court can ensure that the children enjoy good relationships with both parents. The above points will help you know more about the aspects that need to be taken care of when opting for stepparent adoption. ([url=https://pixabay.com/en/mother-daughter-family-park-child-1171569/"Image Credit[/url])

I have a question. My friend came over to the US from the Philippines with her newborn baby. She and the baby have been staying with me for a few weeks. Now she wants to leave the baby with me to adopt and her go back to the Philippines. I live in Illinois. She saids she can't finacially care for the child. I am already a foster parent with DCFS here. With hoping to adopt. But now she has thrown this wanting me to adopt her baby and she is wanting to leave asap, which means she won't be here when we would go to court. She has no physical address in the Philippines cause she lives here and there with different people. What should I do. I do want to adopt the child. But I don't want to have to deal with ICAB there in Philippines. Since the baby is already here in the US. She even has the babys birth certificate here with me. Can I just go through the courts here and do it without her. She saids she will sign what ever forms she needs to sign before she leaves.

Adoptions need to be done differently. Closed adoptions worked for 90 years, sure some people didn't like it. Now for the last 20 years it's been a trail to see if open adoptions work - sure they work for some people, but the majority dont work. What we are forgetting out of all this is the child. This Child is innocent and had no choice. The birth mother for whatever reason didn't want or could take care of the child and choose adoption - great now the child has two parents that love them. but now the birth-parent wants back in after all the screaming and pee and poo is done - sorry this is not a baby sitting service. These adoptive parents have paid $50, $100, $150k for this child so you really think they dont care for this child. They wanted a child bad enough that they gave up on a new car, new house, vacations, new shoes and allot of fun things to have this child. OK I know you are saying what do you know you just adopted a child - ok fair enough. But, I do understand as I was adopted as well. I understand confusion with the birth parents and hurt to the adoptive parents. So we really need to think what is best for the child. Is it open adoptions, sure those do work, but agencies shouldn't force people into that so they can make more money. Its greedy adoption agencies that profit in the end - that is it. Closed adoptions, they worked for 90 years, but not for everyone and than semi open, great alternative and gives you the right to close it. Or does it? There are laws in place that if a birthmother wants to they can get rights, if they can prove they are what is best for the child. So say this happens, the birth mother takes you to court you spend $$$ and the birth mother drags it out, is this what is in the best interest of the child? Who is being selfish here? if the birth mother really wanted what was best for the child than she would let them live there lives. So i know allot of people who dont understand adoption will have there say, but that is the issue. people dont understand adoption. Our society needs to be educated properly. I've head through out my left from people, family, and others many things and it hurts Oh your not blood, so your not really part of the family. Oh you are adopted that explains it, you not really part of the family, who are your real parents. All stupid questions. My parents are the ones that raised me and this is my family. You marry into a family, you arent blood, but you are apart of the family. The word Adoption needs to be looked at in a different way. Sorry just because we are adopted doesn't change who we are. So if you give up a child - let that child have the best life possible. If you adopt, give the child the best life possible and if you are adopted - live life to its best, care for the people who adoptive you as they are your parents. If you feel you need to find your roots feel free, but be-careful and go slow.

Almost a thousand prospective adoptive parents received an e¬mailed notice advising that Independent Adoption Center (IAC) was declaring chapter 7 bankruptcy and closing permanently, effective immediately. IAC is licensed in eight states, including Florida, with an office in Tampa. The abrupt closing of all IAC offices and its programs has left many families in dire straits, both financially and emotionally. Those in the middle of an adoption are now hampered in their ability to complete the adoption, and others have lost substantial sums of money which will hinder if not eliminate their ability to adopt. This is a situation that should never happen. The legislature should mandate that adoption agencies segregate and hold adoptive parent funds in a separate trust account, and prohibit use of adoptive parent money until earned. Comingling hopeful adoptive parent funds with agency operating funds allows the premature expenditure of these monies at the agency's discretion with little financial oversight. The end result can shatter the hopes and dreams of prospective parents, who seek to create or enlarge their families through adoption. Prospective adoptive parents should make inquiry with adoption agencies as to their fiscal management policies in this regard. The Fellows of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys have pledged to assist those families that now find themselves in an untenable situation as a result of IAC's bankruptcy. The Academy will assist these families in order for them to obtain their files from IAC, or to have them transferred to other reputable licensed adoption agencies. The Academy will also assist in advising those families as to be best way to proceed with regard to their prospective adoptions. There will be no charge for these services. A list of volunteer attorneys is posted to the Academy website at www.adoptionattorneys.org Jeanne Trudeau Tate, adoption attorney www.floridaadoptionattorney.com

I want to share a real life glimpse into the world of adoption with you for just a second. Something as seemingly innocent and sweet as a Disney movie can have much larger implications for the family impacted by adoption. As my son and I were watching Tangled for the 101th time this morning, he asks me: “Mom, who’s she?” (in reference to mother Gothel) Me, choosing my words very carefully, replied: “She’s the lady who stole baby Rapunzel from her birthparents and acted as Rapunzel’s mother growing up” Because I believe it is central to my child’s healthy development to talk to him openly about his adoption and for him to be able to make the distinction between what Mother Gothel unlawfully did in this situation and what birth parents do when an adoption plan is made, I explained to him that mine and his birth mothers chose to not parent us because they were not able to take care of us and that no one “stole” us from our birthparents. My son’s immediate response was: “WERE WE BAD?” “No son. We were not bad.” Fellow friends, this is the inside mind of a 4 year old adoptee. Raw and unfiltered. This is the side of adoption that doesn’t get talked about. Doesn’t get published. Doesn’t get glamorized. Adoptive parents; Families affected by adoption in any shape, form or capacity- this is my call to you… Please, Please, Please, don’t pretend that your child’s adoption story is all roses and rainbows, and that your existence in their lives somehow negates a previous core loss. Their story matters to them, and they need to hear it throughout their lives. It is central to their identity and who they are. Yes it is hard for them to process, and yes you have to watch them endure sad and painful emotions. But you spare them no pain by ignoring this inevitable part about them throughout their childhood and then leaving them to grapple with it as teenagers and adults on their own. If you cannot handle these realities, then you are not prepared for the selfless sacrifices adoption requires on your part for your child. This made the difference for me in my life and I plan to pass it on.

I have been struggling with open adoption for a long time. My son was taken from me at the age of 18, my then ex gf was using drugs and couldnt keep her self out of trouble and I had an unstable living envrioment due to my adopted parents and I always fighting. I refused to sign over my rights, but I was eventually told I had to, or they would be taken from me. After I lost my son in court I thought that was it. Somehow though my adopted parents still kept on seeing my son. It pissed me off to say the least. They told me that they had obtained sometype of rights through the open adoption to see him. So for years they went and saw him once a month , talked to him on the phone, put his pictures everywhere ....it killed me. It wasnt until my son was about 7 that my now wife contacted Amom to try and establish some type of contact. She was prepared for the answer of no, ,but to our surprise she started to write to us about how my son was doing, she sent us pictures and two years later after consistant contact we set up a time for me , my wife , my mom and my son to spend the weekend alone together. It was awesome. It truly was and I am eternally greatful. After the visit though, my mom got kinda jealous that we were sharing contact with my son and told the Amom some not so flattering things about me that landed us with no emails , no contact period for about two years. My mom had lied to me and told me that my son had stopped calling her all together as well, but i found out she had been lying. It was a very hurtful situation. I was angry that my emails were no longer being answered, that i felt like I had just gotten back into my sons life and now it was taken away from me AGAIN. when my son was 12 I got back into contact with him. He got a cell phone of his own and his Amom was okay with me calling and texting him freely. I was able to send him cards and gifts, have unlimited contact over the phone etc etc. It wasnt until my mom passed away when my son was 13 that I was allowed to go down to visit him and have a whole weekend with him unsupervised. I get annoyed sometimes with Amom when I dont hear how he is doing. Now that my son is a teenager, hes moody and sometimes unresponsive to my texts... so i get upset because i try to talk to amom about it and she shrugs it off. Dont get me wrong , I AM eternally greatful that Amom has let me and my wife have contact, pictures, unsupervised visits etc etc. for that I am eternally thankful. But sometimes there is a shadow of a doubt, that maybe i will say something wrong unintentionally and she will cut off contact, or she will say something about me to my son and he wont like me anymore. It keeps me up at night. I am just thankful I am in in his life and scared at the same time. Everytime we lost contact, its like im in court again being forced to give up my rights.

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/03/ef67aa4341eff8af6b16f373330203e5_view.jpg[/img] A few years ago, I had the opportunity to work for a local radio station as a movie critic/part time radio personality. Every week, I would attend a particular movie, discuss it on air with my co-worker, and write up a small op-ed piece to publish on the station's web page. (You can see an example of it, just for fun, here: http://mix1043fm.com/rock-of-ages-movie-review-good-bad-ugly/) That fun little part time gig is now in the past, and it's been quite awhile since I've written a movie review, although that isn't really the purpose of this post. Recently, I had the opportunity to see the film "Lion", about a young boy named Saroo, who becomes lost and separated from his family in India, and is eventually adopted by an Australian couple. In the past, movies about adoption were crossed off my list immediately, because I found them too upsetting....especially if there was a "happy reunion" at the end, reminding me of my own inability to find my missing pieces. But due to the developments of the past year, I finally felt emotionally prepared to see this film that was garnering a lot of critical acclaim. Truth be told, I'm not sure anyone could actually be prepared for the feelings this movie stirs up, and as an adoptee, I found myself staring at the screen in wonder, shocked that someone had been able to so accurately portray the emotions I have felt for most of my adult life. To clarify, my life has certainly not been anything close to what this child endured. The differences in our stories are profound: He had a close loving relationship with his mother and siblings for the first few years of his life, and then was, in effect, ripped from them as a small child. He was homeless, hungry and scared. He was subjected to people who had no sense of humanity, and it was only through his eventual adoption that he was able to feel safe again. Being adopted at birth, I obviously had no previous memory of my birth family, no "strings of attachment", and I certainly never experienced any of the horrific things that Saroo did---at the age of 5, when he was sleeping on a piece of cardboard in the streets, I was living in the warm, safe and loving home of my adoptive family. But the similarities in our stories are also numerous, and that is what prompted me to write this particular post. As much as the sadness of his earlier life broke my heart, it was watching him in his search for his identity that spoke to my soul. Certain things would 'trigger' him to think about his family, starting with an Indian dessert that is served at a party he is attending. The feelings are so strong that it almost debilitates him. I thought of the times when I would experience that same moment of helplessness, as someone would point out that my sister looked so much like my mother, and that I didn't seem to resemble either of my parents....and I would get lost in the thoughts of "Yes, I look like someone, but I don't know who they are". When Saroo began his search, there was a feeling of overwhelming impossibility. He really has no idea where to start, no solid leads or names to help him, and ----let's face it----India is not a small place. As he starts plotting the possibilities up on his wall, it took me back to the countless hours I spent entering my name and information into literally hundreds of "adoption reunion" databases. I had no names to work with, and no idea of where exactly they might be, so I had no way to look for anyone in particular.....all I could do was enter my information, and pray that someone was looking for ME. I followed every single lead I could think of over the years, no matter how far fetched it was, because the pull to know was just too great to stop. Saroo portrayed that as well, basically becoming so fixated on finding information that his family and girlfriend were almost completely alienated from his life. At one point, he expresses that he just wants to be able to find his mother and comfort her....let her know that he is alright. He knows that she has grieved his loss and it torments him. When I became a mother for the first time, I started to grasp the possibility that my own birthmother was carrying a burden of missing me as well, and it became so important to me to be able to reassure her that I was fine. Even though I eventually learned that she was not particularly worried about me, it was a blessing to ME to be able to let her know. Eventually Saroo reaches a point where there seems to be no more leads and his girlfriend says "well, what if you NEVER find them? Then what??" This is a common response from many who are NOT adoptees and have a difficult time understanding the pull that many of us feel to get answers. Saroo's parents loved him and he had enjoyed a significantly "better" life with them, than he could have ever experienced in India. Why couldn't he just be grateful for that and let it go? For some adoptees, there seems to be no real "need" to search for their birth families, and they are content with the information they have. For others, it's as if they have a piece of their identity missing, and they feel utterly lost until they find it. I've likened it before to a "Non adoptee" being told they could never know the names of their grandparents or history of their ancestors, simply because a law wouldn't allow it. All of a sudden it makes no sense that this law actually exists for anyone. And what many people fail to understand, is that searching for your roots does NOT mean that you love or appreciate your adoptive family any less. I have personally found in my searching that locating my birth family has just strengthened the love I have for my parents and sister, while enlarging my family circle and allowing me to love even MORE people. One of my favorite quotes from the movie is when Saroo tells his adoptive mother, after he finds his family in India, "Finding her doesn't change who you are to me". And finally, in the scene where he embraces his family again (spoiler alert---he DOES find them), the emotions are so overwhelming that even my big tough guy husband sitting next to me was tearing up. I found this scene so beautiful for many reasons but mostly because of the fact that he no longer speaks the same language as his mother and siblings, but they are still able to express their love for each other. Although I can't specifically relate to embracing my birthmother---she remains somewhat elusive to ALL her children it seems----I HAVE had the amazing opportunity of hugging my half sister and speaking by phone with both half brothers. And although our lives have been significantly different----in effect, we sort of "speak a different language"-- it's been an amazing thing to me that you can be apart from people for decades, and if you are family, there is no distance. If you are a person who can't quite understand the importance of allowing adoptees access to their birth records (even though that was not the exact issue that Saroo faced), this can help you more fully grasp the struggles that many of us face in needing all the information we can get to help us in our search. I don't very often recommend a movie based on adoption merits, but because this film is based on a true story AND truly nails the emotions that many adoptees experience, I can't say enough about it. Thank you Hollywood, for making a film that puts adoption in the spotlight and allows people to see the good that comes from adoptees getting answers. http://simplysnarky.blogspot.com/2017/02/adoption-on-big-screen.html

I am new and don't really know about this and I am hoping to meet others involved in adoption, especially an adult adoption - the adult adoptive parent or the adult adoptee. I am 17 years old now. I have a really rough childhood. When I was young I was an outcast and a victim of bullying. My parent sends me to study abroad just to get out of their way and now they threatened to cut me off. I feel so scared because I don't know where to go if they cut me off. It took me years to finally see and realise that I needed to find a better way to live my life, that I deserved a better/safer life, and that I am not a bad person. One should never be obligated to have contact with people just because they raised them, it's all about respecting, honest, caring, empathy, and being open-minded, is what makes a family in my opinion. I have always struggled with my relationship with my biological parent and never really felt like I belonged anywhere and always wanted to know what it was like to have mothers and fathers to love. If I decided to follow my dream my biological parent are going to be very angry and hurt but I have spent my whole life trying to make them love me and gain their approval. I don't want to hurt anyone I just want to be happy, loved, accepted and allowed to just be myself. I hope one day that I can find a place to really call home and people that want me in their life.

Before I became a part of the adoption community, I had an interest in adoption. I loved to read blogs about adoption and sometimes I would even peruse adoptive parent profiles, just for fun. I remember reading a blog one time in which an adoptive mom remarked that now that she had adopted a Marshalese child, they had become a multicultural family. I remember thinking that was the weirdest thing. My thought was, "No you're not. She's a baby. She'll just adapt to your family's culture." I truly didn't understand what she was even really meant by that. I could see saying that they were a multiracial family - but multicultural? That didn't make sense. Along those lines, I always thought it was a little weird when adopted people looked for their birth parents. "You already have a family," I'd think to myself. "Why are you looking for more?" Fast forward several years later, however, and now these two ideas have come into sharp focus in my mind. As I have listened to adoptees talk about their adoption experiences, I have come to realize that biological connections and cultural roots are much more powerful than I'd ever given them credit for. Now when I interact with people at family gatherings - and extended family gatherings - I realize what a comfort it is to be surrounded by people who look like me, who have similar quirks to me, who share the same grandparents and great-grandparents and great-great grandparents. There is something very powerful and grounding about knowing WHERE you came from and WHO you came from. When a child is adopted into a family, they still carry their birth families in every cell of their bodies. This isn't to say that there isn't a power in the family that they were adopted into - the child will become a part of that family, integrated by love and shared experiences and the daily weaving of being together - but now I understand how important it is for adoptees to have access to and experiences with the biological roots that shape them just as powerfully.

Whether you're an adoptive parent or not... whether you're a foster parent or not.. you can invest in the future of adoption and foster care by taking a few actions with your children today. Some of these are subtle, but can help create a generation of children who decide that they will be the last generation to know what an orphan is in the world. Open Door Policy - be the household on the block where all the kids come and hang. Create an atmosphere where children are welcome -- not just the popular kids, but all kids. Your Children Are Important - be sure they know that each and every day. Some parents dismiss kids in important conversations. Take the time to value what your children have to say and let them know that you don't discount their opinions just because of their age. Be a Global Parent - It's not easy for whole families to travel around the world, but travel (on any scale) broadens the mind. Expose your family to new ideas about the world. Plan family time once a month to watch a documentary (please... no reality shows) on a different culture. If you do get a chance to travel, take a look at a few cultural highlights on the way to Disney. Use these experiences to engage your children on what it's like to live in another culture or a different part of the world. Read - If you read, they read. It's a basic formula. Try picking up a book on a different culture and use it for discussions around the dinner table. Find books for your kids on different cultures - age appropriate of course. As a kid, one of my favorite books was "Island Boy" about a young boy growing up in Hawaii. I found the culture fascinating. Compassion - Be a parent of compassion for other children. Support a child or a program in a different part of the world. It could just be $10 a month! But imagine the difference it makes in the life of a child in another country. And over time, see what a difference it makes in the lives of your own children. Get them involved in learning about the culture or cultures your favorite charity represents. I'm biased, of course, but Orphan World Relief would be a great starting point! Regardless, involve your children in the decision and be sure that when you write the check each month, you talk about it as a family and engage with your own children about something they've learned about another culture. Involve Children in Supporting Causes - Find a cause locally or internationally you believe in and work with your children to make a difference. Do an annual garage sale and give the money to a charity of your children's choosing supporting kids (locally or globally). Have them come up with their own ideas of how they can support a cause. Learn a Language - Enroll the family in a language course where you can learn together (don't be too concerned if your kids do better than you). Connecting with another language helps connect you with a different culture. The younger your children are exposed to languages, the easier it will be for them to learn languages later in life when they need to in high school or college. Eat food from other Cultures - Even if it's just grabbing tacos, take the time to engage with the food of another culture. Try and find a local restaurant and not a chain with people working their from other cultures. It's probably easier than you may think! Research the food. Learn where it comes from and talk with your children about ways you can make it at home. Talk with Your Children - Every idea has one central theme: conversation. Engage your children in conversation... talk about other people groups. Help your kids talk about the differences and similarities of others. Try to help them become better world travelers by calling out things that don't make sense in our own culture as "different" rather than passing judgement by saying something is "stupid". Pose questions to your children to help them think through why something might be the way it is... and then research the truth! Volunteer with Others Less Fortunate - There will always be children who need a mentor. Sign up to be a big brother or a big sister. Spend time with your nieces and nephews. Help a single parent out at Church by befriending them and their children. Even if you do all of these things, there are no guarantees that your kids will decide to adopt or foster other children. They learn by what you do. Consider making room for one more child in your home through adoption. But even if you cannot adopt, you can help prepare your children to be better world citizens by following some of these simple ideas. It doesn't cost anything but time and a little creativity. Be a global hero to your children by making them global heroes in their own right. More blog posts about orphans, adoption and life: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dougriggle/detail/recent-activity/posts/

This is my story (the short, 1,000 word version). I've published it on my own personal blog, so I will just link it here so as not to have the content showing up in two separate places on the web. For context, my son is now eight years old. Though it is an open adoption, the pain and trauma of this experience has led me to stop visiting all together. We will reconnect when he is 18, if he wants to. [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2018/02/c2e6aaede34caf14032a93aa19a0311d_view.jpg[/img] https://freeupyourplate.com/2018/02/21/i-gave-up-my-baby-for-adoption/